Weddings by Dan    -Rev. F Daniel Latour

The more details you share with others the more opinions and ideas others will contribute and they may be upset or humiliated when you decline. When asked, something like "We're keeping details to ourselves" or "some one else is handling that" is a good response. Let them be curious and anxious for your wedding while you keep your focus. If you have a planner or strong friend handling things, you can divert all questions to them so nosy or overbearing friends and relatives will usually drop it. 

"Less is More!" is a famous saying among professional classic designers and decorators. Remember this is a wedding--not a birthday party or prom. After glancing at the whole area for just one minute, all will soon be ignored or forgotten except the bride walking down the aisle, her dress, the ceremony and backdrop of the ceremony. Instead of making a venue look like a florist shop, focus on a really beautiful altar piece or arrangement for the main table that will stand out and be memorable. Everything looking full and beautiful will have more effect and not look just "thrown together." For example, instead of a bit of fluff with a couple flowers on the end of each row, consider four or more larger pieces spaced out.

Shop with an open mind. Try various styles. Some times the picture we have in our heads does not measure up to what we look like when all is said and done, usually because of body type or personality. We all perceive ourselves different from how others see us. Be open to suggestions from a professional at a Bridal Shop. You can spend months buying magazines or looking online for the perfect mermaid style dress only to find that type doesn't work well with your curves! Or the perfect ballgown style to find it makes you feel big as a barn!

The same words used to describe the wedding venue should compare favorably with features of your gown. For example, formal/elegant/glitz, airy/relaxed/springy,  fun/casual/intimate.  A $10,000 crystal beaded designer gown at a beach wedding appears as though there wasn't enough money for other things!

One of the important aspects of the gown is the train. To determine how long it should be, review the bridal gown section on our Etiquette page.

Buying the dress is personal and should be an exciting event. Either go alone or with one or two people who will be truthful and support you in decision making. Too many people will add confusion and make you question yourself. If they don't like your usual style they will not be of much help and will only contribute stress to the process.

Too expensive? If you don't need a train, try a formal shop or department store. If desired, adding lace or sparkle is a reasonable option.

You will know when you find "YOUR" dress.  You will be comfortable in it and feel like a bride. Don't purchase until then.

"The morning of my wedding I had my hair and make-up professionally done by some one I had not been to before. My hair turned orange and I broke out in a rash from the different brand of makeup I had never tried."  Your excitement and happiness will make you more beautiful. Get help with your "do" and applying make-up if you like, but untried products are risky.

A fully decorated wedding cake from a bakery for 100 guests will probably run over $500, depending on the layers, icing and decoration. An alternative is to order a "large party" cake, either evenly round (cheaper) or tiered, covered with buttercream or icing.  Some buy 2 or more cakes of different sizes and then put them together once home. Rolled fondant and marzipan icings are more expensive and difficult to handle. You can decorate your cake using fresh flowers from your wedding and buying your own cake topper. (See sample cakes on our Decorating Ideas page.)

If you do not have a Coordinator, select some one to be on site to answer questions, make sure everything is ready, handle last minute details, keep wedding participants in line, relay information, and prevent visitors while you are preparing.  This is when everything must come together and some one needs to be in charge.

If the brothed have children they would like to play a special role in the wedding, here are suggestions and considerations.
    Under Age 4 – Children under the age of four may be very cute all dressed up ready to participate, and rehearsals may even go great.  However when the real thing comes, a large crowd, public attention, a strange photographer, oohs and ahhs and changing moods can easily turn things into a nightmare. In the end, they will not understand or remember the event. Including them is for your benefit, not theirs.  Suggestions?  Have some one carry or walk with them after the mothers of the bride and groom are seated. Having them pulled in a wagon peacefully sometimes works, but is a bit of work and still a 50/50 proposition.
     Ages 4 to 8 - A flower girl is usually between the ages of 4 and 8 who has a special connection to the bride and groom. She can scatter rose pedals or leaves and walks in immediately before the Bride. A ring bearer is usually a young boy between the ages of 4 and 8 who has a special connection to the bride and groom. He may be related to them, or just be a family friend. He walks down the aisle with the flower girl, or alone after the last bridesmaid, with the wedding rings (real or costume) tied to a small pillow. In some instances children might carry in a sign reading “Here comes the Bride.”
     For Ages 6 and up, there are Vows to Children which can be incorporated after the regular vows.  They can also take part in a Sand Ceremony by providing them with their own color sand to pour, or can participate in a Unity Candle ceremony either with their own tapers to light, or holding the hands of the Bride and Groom as they light the pillar candle. There is also a Family Medallion Ceremony where a medallion or charm is given to children and can include Vows.
     Ages 8 and up – At this age, a child may be able to read a short verse during the ceremony.  There is also the possibility of having your father and son give you away at the beginning of the ceremony, and a daughter can serve as the ‘bouquet holder’ during the ceremony instead of the Maid of Honor.  Up to age 14, a girl and boy can be a Junior Attendant and Bridesmaid.

Imagine looking back on your wedding day 10 or 20 years from now and how you will feel about your choices. Fads are temporary. Your Wedding is a permanent memory.  Will you be okay with regrets like "Why did I pick a lime green dress?", "Why did I wear rhinestone tennis shoes?", "What was I thinking?", or "Why did I let some one talk me into that?"!  If you would like something unique or kinky about your special day, consider incorporating it into the reception or an after-party.