Etiquette For Modern Weddings
(Condensed)
     In these modern times etiquette plays less a part in today's weddings than in times past. However there are still
     many things that are considered common courtesy and more appropriate and will remain with us for a while longer.

   FIRST, it is always pronounced fee-ahnse-say. The masculine is spelled fiance (one e) and the feminine with two e's, but they are pronounced the same.
     SET THE TONE.  The Bride meets with her Mother and Father to begin discussions on what the Bride would like for her wedding and what she and her parents can afford.  Once some idea of the cost is in mind, decide the tone of the wedding which will influence all other plans. The final look is primarily the preference of the Bride and her family, although the wishes of the groom must also be considered. It must be decided if this will be a Spiritual or Civil ceremony, what type of location, what type of service. Then decide if it will be formal, semi-formal or informal.   A formal wedding with full bridal dress and tuxedos usually follows a formal engagement with all the parties and trimmings. A semi-formal wedding follows a smaller engagement party with a limited number of wedding guests and suits but no tuxedos. An informal wedding is usually a small, private affair where the couple wears anything from a suit or dress clothes down to jeans, riding or scuba gear, and all arangements are like one big party.   The couple or the mothers of the couple discuss engagement and wedding plans. The Bride must be present, the groom if desired. Offers of financial aid should be made at this time.
     WHO PAYS FOR WHAT? The groom usually pays the minister's fee.
It is representative of the first financial obligation of the marriage. In older
traditions, the bride's family paid for everything since the groom would have
the responsibility for all his bride's expenses for the rest of her life. More recently
the groom or his family assumed responsibility for the rings, marriage license,
boutonnieres, bride's bouquet, accommodations for out-of-town guests, alcohol
for the reception, rehearsal dinner and honeymoon. Since about 1980 it has been
customary for these expenses to be discussed between the two families and
agreed upon beforehand.
     THE BRIDAL GOWN, according to standard rules of etiquette, has certain guidelines. For a formal wedding, a full wedding gown is preferred. The length of the train is determined by the formality and location of the wedding. A Cathedral train trails from two to twenty feet and is appropriate in cathedrals and large churches where the wedding is large and there is a long processional aisle. A Chapel train, which trails around two feet, is appropriate for formal or semi-formal weddings where the processional aisle can be any size. A Sweeping train, from six inches to eighteen inches, can be chosen for any formal or semi-formal wedding with a decent processional aisle. If, for example, the dress chosen has a sweep or chapel length train and the wedding is formal and in a large church, a coordinating veil which trails longer than the dress can be used to give it the cathedral length effect. Semi-formal daytime and evening gowns are usually floor length with or without a sweep, and if a veil is worn it is usually short.
     THE GROOM'S ATTIRE is selected according to the gown his bride selects. Very formal daytime is black or gray cutaway coat, gray waiistcoat, winged-collar shirt, ascot or striped tie. Very formal evening is white tie, black tail coat, white waistcoat, winged-collar shirt. Formal and semi-formal daytime is black or charcoal sack coat with waistcoat, turned-down collar dress shirt, black or gray or striped tie. Formal and semiformal evening is black tuxedo, white shirt with turned-down collar, black vest or cummerbund, black bow tie. In summer a white dinner jacket and cummerbund can be worn. For informal weddings a dark blue or dark gray suit with white shirt is preferred.
     ENGAGEMENT announcements are rarely sent nowadays unless the family is very prominent or there will be a large event planned around the occasion.  Every one invited to an engagement part is also be invited to the wedding and reception. If the couple has been living together it is preferable that they sponsor their own party for close friends and family, or that the best-man-to-be or maid-of-honor-to-be host. An engagement party should be held at least three (3) months before the wedding.
     The standard for selecting ATTENDANTS for a wedding is one or two groomsmen for every forty or more guests. The Maid/Matron of Honor, usually a sister or most intimate friend, assists the Bride in choosing dresses, confirms delivery of dresses, helps with organizational details if asked, helps address invitations, make favors, hosts a shower, spreads the word if the couple is registered for gifts, helps the Bride get dressed, and holds her bouquet when necessary during the ceremony. The Best Man hosts the bachelor party, makes sure the groom has not forgotten anything, supervises other groomsmen and ushers, holds the ring(s) during the ceremony, signs the wedding certificate as a legal witness (must be age 18 or over), presents payments to vendors the day of the wedding, offers the first toast at the reception, handles the return of any rented clothing, and if needed transports the couple to the next destination after the wedding and reception.
     ANNOUNCEMENTS & INVITATIONS. Get about 20 more Invitation and Announcements than you plan on using. Extras are always needed and some may ask for another as a keepsake or to send to some one else. At a formal or spiritual wedding, it is proper to 'request the honour of your presence'.  At semi-formal and casual weddings, the wording should be 'request the pleasure of your company'. If you will allow specific guests to bring a date or children, be sure to include 'and Guest' when addressing envelopes. Engagement party announcements or invitations should be mailed about 3 weeks, wedding invitations about 5 weeks, and reception-only invitations about 3 weeks before the event. It is courteous and a good reminder to send wedding invitations to every one in and working for the wedding, including the minister and the facility. If announcements are mailed informing other that you have been married, they should be mailed 1 or 2 days after the wedding.
     GIFTS for attendants are usually presented at a rehearsal dinner. The gift should be meaningful but not overly expensive. Common gifts include bracelets, necklaces, earrings, stick pins, picture frames, perfume bottles, hair ornaments, leather wallets, tie clasps, bookends and travel clocks.
     A RECEIVING LINE is usually an ordered process at any reception. The line should be inside the facility but placed so that guests are not waiting outside to be received. The modern order for the line is Host(s), Bride's Mother and Father, Bride, Groom, Groom's Mother and Father, Matron and Maid of Honor, then Bridesmaids. The Best Man and Groomsmen are not in the receiving line, however the Best Man should be close by in case any one in the line needs assistance. The line should break up as soon as all guests have entered.
     RECEPTION TIMING. There are always a number of persons who would prefer not to stay very long at the reception for various reasons. After 15 minutes or so of breaking from the line, the traditions of taking photographs, cutting the cake and making toasts and having a first dance should be done. From there, the partying may continue until the designated time with every one being comfortable at being able to depart when appropriate.   WEDDING GIFTS should have been delivered BEFORE the wedding day. It is not proper to bring a wedding gift to the wedding or reception so no table should be set up to place gifts on. If gifts are offered at the wedding or reception, have some one accept them gracefully and put them in a safe place out of sight.
     SPEND TIME WITH YOUR FAMILY.  Especially the Bride should reserve some time to spend final quality time with her immediate family. There are probably a few things that need to be said and good quality time will be in short supply the week before the wedding.
Special Ceremonies & Other Services